(CS) Rep. : "Yes, Ma'am, how may I help you today?"
Customer: "Well, after
much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through
CS Rep. : "Yes, I can
help you. Are you ready to proceed?"
Customer: "Well, I'm
not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do
CS Rep. : "The first
step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?"
Customer: "Yes I have,
but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install
while they are running?"
CS Rep. : "What programs
are running ma'am?"
Customer: "Let's see,
I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running
CS Rep. : "No problem.
LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system.
It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other
programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of
its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?"
Customer: "I don't know
how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?"
CS Rep. : "My pleasure.
Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times
as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased."
Customer: "Okay, done.
LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?"
Cs Rep. : "Yes. You should
receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART.
Do you see that message?"
Customer: "Yes I do.
Is it completely installed?"
Cs Rep. : "Yes, but remember
that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other
HEARTS in order to get the upgrades."
Customer: "Oops. I have
an error message already. What should I do?"
Cs Rep. : "What does
the message say?"
Customer: "It says "ERROR
412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What does that mean?"
Cs Rep. : "Don't worry
ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up
to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is
one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms
it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others."
Customer: "So what should
Cs Rep. : "Can you pull
down the directory called"SELFACCEPTANCE"?"
Customer: "Yes, I have
Cs Rep. : " Excellent.
You're getting good at this."
Customer: "Thank you."
Cs Rep. : "You're welcome.
Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty
Also, you need to delete:
VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle
bin afterwards to make sure it is completely and permanently gone.... erased."
Customer: "Got it. Hey!
My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor
right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying
themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?"
Cs Rep. : "Sometimes.
For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded
at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able
to handle it from here. One more thing before I go."
Cs Rep. : "LOVE is freeware.
Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They
will share it with other people and then return some similarly sacred modules
back to you."
Customer: "I will. Thanks
for your help. By the way, what's your name?"
Cs Rep. : " You may call
me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most
call me God. Many people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay
heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance
for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch . . ."
(Thee 1 Author is known)